Learning how to date after a year's long relationship ends can be weird to say at least. It may seem like you have a cuddle buddy every night and the next is that you are painfully aware  of how big your bed feels now that you are the only one in it. Now, let’s be honest, your flirting skills may be a little rusty which makes the thought of striking up a conversation with a beautiful or cute stranger all the more intimidating.

Getting over a breakup is not a cherry on the cake and even after you’ve moved past the grief and sadness are still the other challenges that come with reentering the dating scene. You may feel insecure about how dating works or have the fear of being intimate with a new person. But when you are finally ready and even excited too, to get back out there and explore your options. These pointers will make the transition feel a little more natural. Here is how you can learn how to date again after getting out of the long-term relationship.

Things To Keep In Mind While Getting Ready To Date Again

1) Do sure that you are actually ready to date again

Signing up for dating apps with the sole purpose of making your ex jealous or to avoid sleeping alone may not be the best idea. Because when you are motivated by revenge or the fear of loneliness, it’s pretty damn hard to be emotionally available again. That is important if you are serious about moving on or just having fun. Before you swipe , agree to that blind date with your sibling’s friend but check-in with yourself to ensure that you are really ready to get back out there. This shows that you are not harbouring any lasting resentments or regrets that can linger into the new relationship.  Another best indicator is that meeting new people even if they don’t become your number one priority. This means that you are open to exploring new connections that are healthy and as long as you are not relying on someone else to keep you happy or even fill a void with. 

2) Think of it as a learning opportunity 

There is a common misconception that dating is solely about finding a new partner or even just a casual relationship. But you can still get something out of the experience. Other than that, having a particular end goal in mind. While opening yourself up to dating will put you in the headspace of I am going to meet some good people. Even if you’ve gained a new friend who shares your passion for watching professional tennis. Seeing dating as an opportunity to experience and learn new things that can make it fun-no matter how well the date itself goes.  

3) Begin with low-pressure date activities that you’d enjoy doing solo

Unless you are a gourmet food critic that fine dining in which you’ve been to probably isn’t the best place to feel relaxed with someone who’s basically a stranger. First dates don’t have to be extravagant even if they are not the type of the person to enjoy those things.

To make the situation less intimidating, stick to what you are already comfortable with. If you are a foodie then you can go out to eat at the restaurants that you would recommend to the friend. If the bookstores are your happy place then maybe a sip of tea in the cozy tea in the cozy cafe inside Barnes and Noble and chat in the fiction aisle together. Being somewhere familiar will help you feel safer and more at ease during what’s probably a new and uncertain experience.  

4) Don’t let one bad apple spoil your dating fun

No matter how thorough you are in screening for red flags and do make sure that your friday night dinner companion will seem alright and the chances are that you’ll still experience at least one date from hell, but as tempting as it is to call it quits for good. Acknowledging that not every encounter will turn out to be rom-com worthy and it can also help you to set realistic goals and prevent you from being discouraged. 

5) Do not Compare your dates to your past relationship 

Well, he looks similar to my ex but they are not as tall as they were. They are ambitious like my ex but don’t seem as far along in their careers. By playing the contrast and compare game it is just going to become harder to meet the one. It is crucial to consider the challenging and good parts of your past relationship in order to decide what is going to be the best for moving forward. Otherwise you are just going to be stuck in the past and it is not moving on what you are aiming for.

6) Make a little cheat sheet of conversation that sparkles on your phone notes 

When you’ve been with who you thought was your soulmate over the years,conversations just flow naturally whether it is the boring details of your day or those deep, late night talks about life goals and dreams. No wonder then keeping the small talk going with someone completely will be uncomfortable. 

Problems that may arise to Dating Again

Our path to healing will be impeded by the obstacles. Sometimes we are not even aware that we have hindered our own progress. 

It is obviously going to be difficult to date again if you are hopeless. Try arguing a different point of view.

Negative self-talk can also be destructive so do change that inner dialogue to a realistic or neutral one. Even a positive dialogue. 

Dating again may not be easy but if you have jitters and dating anxiety. Practice self love and relaxation techniques to mitigate your anxiety.

If you are dating again after a divorce then you’ll need to consider if all that matters have been settled or if the divorce was recently issued, then whether you are still hoping to reconcile with your ex-husband and the impact that your dating might have on your children.

Final Thoughts

Staying single can be a blessing in disguise and it offers you plenty of opportunity to get to know yourself. There will be a lot of trial and error but you’ll fall in love with the idea of someone you’ll have your heart broken and you’ll make an idiot of yourself, telling your friends about this new perfect person only for them to turn out to be dud in a few weeks. But each experience will be crucial and no life experience will be empty.