Silent Treatment vs. Healthy Conversations: Which Works

Every relationship experiences moments of emotional overwhelm or conflict but how we handle them either by weakening the connection or strengthening it, it always remains up. When we become high on emotions then one partner may withdraw to cool down or process the feelings. Therefore, when this withdrawal turns into a prolonged silence then it can become a damaging form of disconnection that will leave the other partner feeling rejected and punished. Also, it is essential to understand the difference between silent treatment and healthy space which is a major key in maintaining a great bond. A healthy space will enable both the partners to self-regulate and return to the conversation with a clearer perspective. At the same time, the silent treatment will build walls around you that will not let you find the solution.

The silent treatment develops when conflict feels overwhelming and one partner might shut down to avoid further arguments hoping to find a solution to the problem. Others may use silence as a form of power believing the absence will force the other persons to give in and in both of the cases it makes a barrier to the resolution in spite of the path forward.

The Silent Treatment

Silent treatment is a form of emotional withdrawal where one partner intentionally neglects the other refusing to engage and it is often used as a way to punish, control or express the dissatisfaction without actually addressing the problem. By this time this will develop an emotional distance and insecurity in a relationship. This will create resentment, insecurity and emotional distance in a relationship. 

Silence vs. Silent Treatment

There are some times in relationships when being silent is acceptable and even productive. For instance, a couple or even just one partner might take a thoughtful timeout from a heated argument to cool off or gather their thoughts. What distinguishes this silence from the silent treatment is that the timeout is mindful and there is an assumption or agreement that they will revisit this again later. Also, there are some instances when a victim of abuse is silent as a way to stay safe and keep an already abusive situation from escalating. In these situations, the victim knows that saying something even if their partner demands it will only escalate the situation and will lead to more abuse. 
When one partner is engaging in name-calling or other forms of verbal abuse, the person on the receiving end is not required to engage that person. The fact is that it is completely reasonable and healthy to remove themselves from an abusive situation which is not an example of silent treatment. It may also very well be self-preservation. The key is knowing how to differentiate between the silent treatment is a strategy used by manipulative people and the other forms of silence in partnership

Signs of the Silent Treatment

1) Ignoring Calls, in-person conversations

2) Avoiding eye contact or physical closeness

3) Acting as if the other person does not exist 

4) Withholding affection as a form of punishment 

What Is Healthy Space?

Taking healthy space is a great way to step back and process emotions before responding. It enables both the partners to step back and process emotions before responding. It also enables both the partners to reflect, self-regulate and come back to the conversation with a calmer mindset.

Signs of Healthy Space

Communicating the need for the break

Setting a time frame for the reconnection

Using the time apart for the self-reflection, not avoidance

Returning with the willingness to resolve the issue

How to Stop the Silent Treatment in a Relationship

1) Acknowledge Emotions- In spite of shutting down, express how you are feeling that I am upset and need a little time to process before we talk.

2) Set a Time limit- Avoid Prolonged Distance by agreeing on when you will reconnect. 

3) Use the Time Wisely- Regulate, Reflect, and Return with a solution-oriented mindset. 

Healthy relationships are not just about avoiding conflict, as they are about navigating it with respect. Taking Space will be a great tool when done with intention, but the silence that wounds instead of heals should be replaced with honest and open communication.

Identifying Silent Treatment

In general, the silent treatment is a manipulation tactic that will leave a crucial issue in a relationship unresolved. It will also leave the partner on the receiving end feeling worthless, angry, and unimportant.

When one or both the partners pout, sulk, or even refuse to talk, they are exerting a rude type of power in a relationship that not only will shut out their partner but will also communicate that they do not care enough to try to collaborate with.

If you are upset that your partner comes home late most nights, you may begin a conversation where you express your feelings and try to determine why your partner is habitually late.

A partner who does not want to accept responsibility for hurting you or simply doesn’t want to acknowledge or change their behavior may respond by saying that they might simply say nothing at all and ignore you altogether.The refusal to discuss is different from asking to postpone the conversation and pick it up later, which indicates the issue will be discussed at a time that is more convenient for both partners and can be a healthy choice.

The Main Difference Between Silent Treatment and Healthy Conversations

Silent Treatment is a flat-out refusal to ever discuss the issue now or later. In other words, their silence deflects the conversation and communicates that the issue is off-limits. When this happens, the person receiving the end of the silent treatment must continue to wrestle with their pain and disappointment alone. They are often left feeling hurt, unloved, dissatisfied, and confused. What is more of this issue is that this issue will not go away as one of the partners refuses to discuss it. It will continue to eat away at the relationship. Eventually, these festering issues can become too much, which can lead to divorce.

In any relationship, effective communication is paramount and it is a bridge that will connect partners, trust, and foster understanding. Moreover, when conflicts arise some of the individuals resort to the silent treatment and a tactic where one partner deliberately withdraws from the communication to express and punish the other. While it may seem like an easy way to handle frustration, the silent treatment is far from effective. It can cause significant damage to the relationship. 

Wrapping It Up

Healthy conversations are always meaningful to finding solutions and it will help in resolving the conflict. However, silent treatment will only give temporary escape, so it is better to choose words over the walls and build relationships that will thrive on understanding and communication. The silent treatment includes intentionally ignoring or excluding a partner from conversation that are often in response to a perceived sight. This behavior will manifest in several forms from refusing to speak or acknowledge the other person to withholding affection and attention. The silent treatment is a form of emotional manipulation that is designed to punish or coerce the other person into compliance.