oundaries are important in every relationship as it will help you to retain a sense of identity and personal space and they are easier to form and maintain than you might have thought. You’ll find boundaries in every kind of relationship from family to friends to colleagues and brief acquaintances. While they are crucial in all the areas, boundaries come up a lot in romantic partnerships.However, they are established to help you clearly in communicating behavior that you will accept from the other people and behavior other people can expect from you.

You cannot see them, but these lines help you to stay “ you” and provide a sense of mutual 

respect, protection and support. When it comes to your life as a couple then consider that there are actually three entities that are involved: Yourself, your partner and the relationship too and boundaries need to be defined for each. Each of those  parties required to be  sustained,nourished and felt respected. You may also hear about the word boundaries and imagine walls that separate you from the other people. However, boundaries are not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, they are crucial ingredients in maintaining a balance in a relationship. 

Why are restrictions crucial while setting up the boundaries?

Boundaries can include restrictions on physical actions like asking a roommate or partner not to look through your phone or not to interrupt when you are working from home. They will be psychological like asking your spouse to accept that your dreams and goals may not be the same as theirs. 

What’s the difference between healthy and unhealthy boundaries?

If a boundary preserves your well-being and will keep you safe emotionally and physically then it is a healthy one. Some boundaries in relationships seem healthy, but they are not if you dig them up. Some of the healthy boundaries in relationships are:

Communicating your expectations in relationships with others and being open to the needs and expectations.

Without the fear of rejection saying no that others will view you negatively. 

Expressing your beliefs and views or  changing them based on others. 

Prioritize yourself even if it means turning down invitations or asking others to take on tasks. 

Deriving your sense of self from within and having a vibrant life based on your personal beliefs.  

Leaving a situation or conversation that makes you feel unsafe or uncomfortable. 

Prohibiting others to disrespect you in speech or a touch. 

In relationships unhealthy boundaries are those that are too loose, rigid or harm your relationship or another’s physical or emotional well-being. Let’s say that you are in a new relationship. You may also tell the other person that you want to be exclusive. That makes you feel safe and is a healthy boundary for you. Another person can take this to the extreme though. Perhaps exclusive to them means that they can demand access to your passwords or phones

that prevent you from talking to others. In this case,exclusivity sounds like a healthy boundary and it undermines someone else's well-being or freedom. 

Examples of unhealthy boundaries are:

A romantic partner asks you to change your beliefs and interests to be like theirs. 

A friend tells you that if you were a good friend then you would always say yes to meeting with them. 

An abusive partner that tells you to be available for them all the time. They also ask you to forgo activities that you once enjoyed, turn down the invitations from friends or cancel plans to spend time with them.  

A romantic partner coerces you to do something sexual even if you feel uncomfortable. They may frame this within their sexual boundaries but it is abusive.

Why are boundaries crucial?

As there are some basic rules to consider when building and maintaining healthy boundaries, what works for one person may not be so ideal for someone else. Your partner may have different expectations of:

The amount of time that you spend together.

What is considered to be cheating in a committed relationship

The frequency of communication when you are apart

This is also likely to change throughout the relationship. It will be helpful to discuss the guidelines that set clear boundaries and will help you to build a relationship that enables you to feel safe. 

Examples of healthy relationship 

The following examples apply to romantic partnerships but also to any frequently communicative relationships where there is responsibility and expectations on the both sides such as co-parents, business partners.

In a healthy relationship both people:

Ask Permission

Take one another’s feelings into the account

Honest 

Show gratitude

Show respect for differences in perspective,opinion and feelings. 

Sit with the Other person’s communication of emotion

Take Responsibility for their actions

Types of Boundaries 

Emotional Boundary- Emotional boundaries ensure that others are respectful of your emotional well being and internal comfort level. While setting an emotional boundary, you may say something like “ I don’t want to talk about this subject while I am at work as I need to focus. You may also use these barriers to prevent yourself from feeling overwhelmed by other people’s feelings. Like you can acknowledge that you are not responsible for how  another person reacts to your decision to turn them down for a second date.

Personal Boundaries- Personal boundaries come in many forms. Moreover, not every relationship requires you to address every type of boundary. Like you may need to set physical restrictions with coworkers but not the financial ones.

Physical Boundaries- Physical boundaries will let you feel safe and comfortable when you are dealing with strangers but also when you are interacting with those closest to you. Like you may tell someone that you’d prefer  handshakes instead of hugs or you can tell a friend that you may need to take a rest during a lengthy bike ride. You can set limitations around that too and perhaps you don’t want someone to intrude in your bedroom or clutter your office with their products.

Financial Boundaries- Financial boundaries extend to your belongings to money, clothing,car or home. However, if you are a charitable person then you may have a hard time in saying no to people who want to borrow items. Moreover, people will unintentionally take advantage of your goodwill and then you will also notice your resentment building. When setting a material restriction. Moreover, people will intentionally or unintentionally take advantage of your goodwill and then you will notice your own resentment forming. When setting a material restriction then you may say something like you can borrow my phone charger but put it back when you are done.

Time Boundaries- Time boundary will allow you to focus on your priorities at work and in your personal life too without feeling crowded by the other people’s wants. Imagine that you’ve had stressful work and want to spend the weekend recuperating. You may decline a party invite or even set a limit on how long you will be there. Other time related restrictions can include asking a friend to avoid contacting you during work hours or asking your partner to delay a crucial conversation until a more convenient time.

Shifting Boundaries- Shifting boundaries are not etched in stone. You will need to adjust to them as circumstances change and relationships grow. This can be especially true in long-term relationships. Communication is vital as you re-evaluate and revise your boundaries. You want the other person to be clear on the change. 

Tips for setting up boundaries 

While it is usually best to set boundaries early in a relationship, establishing healthy limitations and rules will help in strengthening the relationship at any stage. When it is usually setting up boundaries early on a relationship, establishing healthy limitations and rules will help in strengthening a relationship at any stage. In some of the cases, you will not even realize a certain restriction that is needed until you get to know it. 

Know what you want in a relationship

Either the relationship is romantic or platonic, it’s tough to have your requirements met if you don’t know what they are. Reflecting on your beliefs and values is a good place to begin with.

Also ask yourself too:

What traits do I like to see in other relationships?
What behaviors bother me?
What qualities do I admire in others?
How do I want to spend my time?

By attaining thorough understanding of yourself, you can start to imagine the types of boundaries you need. If you know that you value freedom then you will likely want to set the financial rules between you and your partner. If you value high productivity then you may set physical boundaries with your loved ones who tend to wander into your workspace. 

Assessing how you feel with someone

Thinking about how others make you feel will also help you in identifying boundaries. After interacting with other people, reflect on your feelings by asking yourself questions.

Did they do anything that made you feel physically uncomfortable or unsafe?
Did you feel pressured to do things that did not match your values?

A moment of reflection will help you in deciding whether you require to set limitations with the person into the future.

Discuss about the boundaries 

Knowing how to effectively communicate your requirements to others is crucial. Rushed conversations, vague requests and poor wordings will make it difficult for the loved ones to understand and respect your ground rules.

Be Prepared- Nervous about discussing your needs, write your points down before the discussion so that you can discuss your needs. 

Consider Timing- The best time to set a boundary with your partner is when you both feel relaxed and will focus on the conversation and if you are at the mid-argument then you can try

To cool down and circling back to the conversation once you both are calm. 

Clarity is Important- A vague request that I’d like more personal space that may get the message across, but it is better that to be clear as possible to avoid the confusion of the other person. Try to convey how you feel and say Please knock before entering. A calm but firm tone lets the other person that knows that you are not disrespectful but only being serious 

Address Feedbacks- Relying on the boundary, your partner will have questions for you. It is essential to know that you don’t have to justify your needs or explain yourself, you may also be even asked follow-up questions to make sure the right message was conveyed.

Consider the delivery- Try to use “I” statements to convey how you feel. Avoid “you” statements that may seem accusatory. Like I felt overwhelmed with the amount of workI had to take care of while you were away, “Expressing your emotions is a perfect way to begin laying the groundwork for the relationship boundary.